I'd had a few dream/vision experiences from the age of 10 to 15 which I thought were about God; not that I "saw" Him in any way, but more "felt/intuited" that I was communing with Him. The sharpest experience was at 15. My grandmother had gone to the city for the weekend leaving Grandad in charge. There'd been a thunderstorm the night before and I decided to wander up the road to see the tree I knew had been hit by lightning. As I walked I wondered about what made nature tick....what made the world tick....it was such an amazing and interesting place, this world I lived in! How did God fit into the picture? As I stood there thinking about these things I suddenly became totally unaware of my surroundings and, to some extent, unaware of myself. A rush of pure joy ran through me and I heard "We are one. Everything is God, God is in everything". I can't remember with any great clarity the words I received but this was the general gist of the message. When I went back inside my grandfather angrily accused me of talking to boys in a car on the corner. Of course, I denied this. So I was beaten for lying and being a slut.
For years all I could recall of this incident was not the message but the beating. It took almost 40 years to understand what had actually happened. Grandad did see me talking to boys in a car, despite the fact that no traffic passed me let alone stop.
I was simply not ready, in any sense of the word, to follow through on the experience I'd had.
In 1966 I was living in the Cross with my then fiance when his friend, Geoff Whitlock, came from Melbourne to live with us. He came home one day with books about Baba after visiting Bill Le Page. All I can recall is seeing a photo of Meher Baba and knowing that He was God. That simple. I don't think I read the books at the time but there was a lot of talk about Baba in the house. Geoff left the Cross and returned to Melbourne and not long afterwards we moved there too. B and I were living with his mother and sisters and planning our wedding. Geoff had made a few contacts with Baba followers in the meantime and I met Paul and Ann Smith, Os and Bet Hall, Karl Gallagher, Peter Rowan, Alex and Helen Morton, Rose and John Adam, Stan and Clarice Adams, and so many others who are still with Baba.
The Melbourne Push was happening and I became involved as a poet and mixed with artists, playwrights, dancers, musicians, writers and actors; many of these people were interested in Baba but the lifestyle... oh! That lifestyle! ....left Baba on the periphery. Eventually, most people moved on, mainly to escape the horrendous lifestyle we'd all fallen into. Somewhere in all the chaos Geoff and I married on Baba's birthday in 1970. It didn't last but we remained friends. In 1975 I moved to New Zealand and prior to this Geoff had moved to Western Australia.
However, drugs, booze and sex still played a much bigger part in my life than Baba did for the following 30-odd years. Baba was always there in the background and I had a few experiences where He showed Himself in His All Merciful, eternally Patient and Benevolent way in those years, especially during bouts of mental illness buouyed by alcoholism. I also maintained contact with Os and Bet Hall which kept Baba's name fresh in my erratic mind.
After 26 years of living in New Zealand I made contact with Geoff again, who was living in Western Australia. We decided to get together and so I packed my bags and moved to Perth to share a house with him. Baba, of course, was one of our bindings and we talked about Him occasionally.
It wasn't until recently, when we renewed contact with Peter Rowan, Paul and Ann Smith and Karl Gallagher, that the idea of going on pilgrimage to Meherabad was born.
Well.......We've done it! We've been to the Samahdi! Meherabad! Met Bhau and Meheru, Dolly and Jal and so many other beautiful Baba Lovers. It's taken 40-odd years to pack our bags, organise travel arrangements and fly there....an amazing journey full of pitfalls, potholes, twists and turns, deadends, and superhighways....we've been and we're going again, and again, alone or together doesn't matter....being with Baba is the only thing that does...........
One outstanding day, after spending time with Erico (blessed be his soul), I went to the Samahdi. As I bowed at His Feet, not only did my life (history) suddenly make sense to me but in the same instance, became totally irrelevant. All the shames, guilts, lies, hypocrisies and the myriad of sins I'd committed were washed away, This includes the goof-ups I had while in Meherabad afterwards. Only Baba matters now. Loving Him as best I can is all-important. Nothing about my past concerns me in the least now.
I don't consider all the years I didn't put Baba first a waste of time. I believe, wholeheartedly, that He waited patiently and watched over me as the Loving Parent He is, ensuring I didn't go too far into anything and become totally lost to Him. Oh! I got so close to the edge so many times, it's exhausting just remembering. Yet His Guiding Hand was always there to turn me around before it was too late.....every time!
The experience of going into the Samahdi and being in Meherabad has turned my life around in a totally new direction....I like the scenery alongside this road...I've decided to keep following it to the end.
AVATAR MEHER BABA KI JAI!!!